In one of my earliest interviews for raceAhead, David Kyuman Kim, a professor of religious studies and American studies at Connecticut College, shared some sage advice that took me some time to absorb.
“We have a responsibility to draw our attention to co-workers, to community members and ask a simple question – ‘how are you doing?’” he says. “And then listen, really listen, as if you don’t already know the answer.”
We were talking about the attack at the Pulse Nightclub in Orlando, the deadliest shooting event targeting LGBT people in U.S. history, and how some employees might be feeling the next day – frightened, vulnerable, targeted, or unsure of how to help. How should leaders respond?
These are the moments that require a profound humility, he says. By giving genuine attention to our differences, people find the courage to talk about their lives. “And hopefully ask for help, if they need it.”
Now, barely a month later, it seems that opportunities for humility are delivered fresh daily.
It’s no wonder, then, that Kim’s deceptively simple prescription for connecting – listening as if you don’t already know the answer – keeps coming back to me as a reminder and touchstone.
But it’s also worth considering the other side of the equation. What if you can’t communicate what you’re feeling? What if it’s too difficult to process?
The activist community has long championed a prescription of their own termed self-care, a reminder that each of us has the right and responsibility to step out of the fray and re-charge our own batteries.
It’s a way of calling attention to both the long-term effects experienced by people of color in a racially-charged society, as well as the occasional and acute impacts that everyone feels at difficult moments like these.
But for anyone who does diversity and inclusion work, self-care must become an important part of your professional practices. It’s the only way to keep the work sustainable. And if my reader mail is any indication – thank you, by the way – this has been an unusually stressful time.
(For an object lesson in listening during stressful times, check out this note I got from Mark Parker, Nike’s CEO.)
If you’re lucky enough to be able to practice self-care, the advice goes, do it. Guilt free.
Some resources are in the links below. I’m sure you’ll find, like I did, that these prescriptions are also deceptively simple.
If you’re too stressed to check them out, here’s the short list: Drink clean water, eat good food, get good sleep, pamper yourself a bit, seek out friends and loved ones, move your body to music or sport, get some nature in your life, check out some art, and if this is your thing, talk to the higher power of your choice as if they are listening, really listening.
And have a good weekend.
Share your self-care practices: [email protected] (But not until Monday.)